BABY MAKES THREE - PART 1
Bo and Nora are in their bedroom watching "Casablanca" for the hundredth time.
Nora is 8 ½ months pregnant, very uncomfortable, and very cranky.
Bo is mouthing all the lines of the movie.
Nora: Bo, will you shut up!
Bo (bewildered): I didn't say anything (He looks at her like she's nuts).
N: You are mouthing all the lines of the movie and its driving me crazy.
B: Sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that.
N: You do it all the time when we watch old movies and it's so annoying.
B: I do? Hmmm, well, I guess we'll have to cut out the movie watching for awhile then won't we? A tad cranky, are we honey?
N: Cranky? Cranky doesn't begin to cover how I feel right now! You try carrying around a 10-pound watermelon for nine months and tell me how you feel!
Bo starts to crack up laughing.
N: You're laughing at me? You jerk! You did this to me.
B (still laughing): Uh, I think we both had a hand in it. Besides, it's not your first baby. You should be used to this.
N: Well, I don't remember feeling this bad with Rachel. And I wasn't as old as I am now as I was when I had Rachel.
B: You know what? I think I understood what you just said. That's pretty scary. You've got to relax Red. Slugger in there will be here before you know it. (He places his hands on her belly).
N: (calming down slightly): Slugger is right! If this isn't a boy, we will have the first girl who plays professional football.
B: With you as a mom, it wouldn't surprise me. What can I do to help you? (He starts laughing again).
N: Well, the laughing isn't helping (she hits him with a pillow). You want a list? Okay, here goes (she says each one very precisely).
1. Get the baby out of me.
2. Rub my swollen feet.
3. Rub my aching back.
4. Get my breasts back to their normal size.
5. Stop my cravings.
6. Let me sleep on my stomach.
7. Let me sleep at all!
8. Stop me from going to the bathroom every two seconds.
9......
B: All right! All right! I give up. I think the only things I can help you with are your back and your feet. Sit up. (He slides in behind her and starts rubbing her back).
N: Oh Bo, that feels so wonderful. Mmm....lower please. (He moves his hands to her lower back and continues giving her a massage).
B: Feeling a little better? (He starts to kiss the back of her neck) (He wraps his arms around her and the baby - barely) Look honey, I can't get my arms around you! Isn't that amazing? (He starts to laugh again).
N: (she hits him with the pillow again): Oh shut up! You think you are so funny don't you? Yeah, you just wait. I'll get you back - 2:00 a.m. feedings, diaper duty. Oh, I know!...a vasectomy. That's it! (She starts to laugh).
B: Hold it! Hold it! You are losing it. That's a little extreme, don't you think?
N: What? Expecting you to help with 2:00 a.m. feedings and dirty diapers?
B: Noooo, the vasectomy part. You know what, skip it. I'll just have to keep you away from the scissors.
N (laughing): Oh god, I have to go to the bathroom again. Help me up.
Bo crawls out from behind her and helps her up. She waddles to the bathroom. He starts to laugh yet again.
N: Now where are those scissors?
B: OK, OK, I'm not laughing anymore. You've never been more beautiful Nora.
N: Yeah right. Tell me another one mister I get to sleep through the night. Well, not for long smarty pants.
B: I look forward to it. I'm going to be a hands on dad.
Nora is now in the bathroom.
N: I know you are. Bo?
B: Yeah?
N: My water just broke.
TO BE CONTINUED......
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