THE BEACH HOUSE REVISITED

Nora lifted Matthew's car seat out of the car.
"Well sweetie, we're here. This is it-- the infamous beach house. Mommie is not exactly sure why we're here, but I'm not sure of anything any more-- except that you are the love of my life."

Nora walked to the top of the landing by the door and looked out at the ocean. She felt on the verge of tears. Her rage at Lindsay knew no bounds. Everything that had happened over the past year was some how linked to Lindsay: the horrendous lapse in judgment that caused her to sleep with Sam. Losing Bo. Thinking all this time that Matthew was Sam's son. The pain Bo went through. And Sam knew about at least some of it. She took a deep breath of the sea air and went inside. The place still looked the same.

"What do you say I start a fire and then we'll spread a quilt on the floor and play. Does that sound good?"

Nora came here to unwind-- or maybe unravel was a more correct term. She didn't want to be around anyone right now. Certainly not Sam. Not well-meaning friends like Hank. Not even Rachel, who had become so wise over the past year, but who could also be quite opinionated. No.. just Matthew. He asked no questions. Offered no advice. Passed no judgments. But why had she chosen this place to escape to-- the place where she was terrorized by Todd.. and especially so soon after the incident with Brian Harris? She had no clue, but there had been some wonderful days with Bo here. Bo. What must he be going through now-- finding out Lindsay had lied to him from the beginning-- learning Matthew was his son? She could only imagine his pain. She wondered if he would want contact with Matthew. After playing a while, she gave Matthew his bottle and he nodded off to sleep. She put him in her bed and surrounded the edges with pillows. Thank God for this child. He was the only thing keeping her going. She went back downstairs and poured a glass of wine. She turned the lights down and sat on the couch listening to the ocean. The sound was somewhat soothing, but soon she felt the tears again. This time, she could not stop them. It wasn't in Nora's nature to cry, but maybe it was finally time. They were hot as they rolled down her cheeks.

A thousand things rushed through her head until she heard a noise. The sound came from the door. For a split second, Todd's face flashed into her head.

"No. No. Get it together, Nora."

She grabbed the fireplace poker and stood behind the door. A key went into the lock. The knob turned. She raised the poker up as the door opened. She could see a man's silhouette. He struggled to get the door open while holding something in his arms. He kicked the door closed and reached for the light switch.

"It's now or never, Nora," she said to herself.

She slammed the poker down as hard as she could and heard a crash just as the lights came on. Before she could blink, the man lunged for her and they both fell to the floor. She had no time to react. He was on top of her pinning her arms above her head. And then...

"Nora?"

"Bo? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question.. but are you okay?" He looked embarrassed as he got off of her and helped her up.

NORA: I came here to get away from Llanview. I couldn't stand it anymore.

BO: But how did you get a key when I rented this place.

NORA: I RENTED THIS PLACE!.

They looked at each other.
BO: I guess we're still Mr and Mrs Buchanan to Mr Garrison. He thought we meant to be here together.

NORA: Ha! Obviously he doesn't read the papers.

BO: You're pretty good with that poker. If your aim had been just a little more to the left, I think I'd have a nice concussion going about now.

NORA: Sorry about your groceries. You came here to get away from Llanview too?

BO: Yeah. But I'll just clean up this stuff and get outta here. You were here first.

NORA: Oh for gosh sakes, Bo, it's almost midnight. You don't have to drive back to Llanview tonight. You can stay here. It's just Matthew and me.

BO: Matthew. Boy, do we have some talking to do about him.

NORA: Yeah. Yeah, we do.

BO: Where is he?

NORA: Upstairs.. sawing logs.

BO: Sounds like a son of mine.

NORA: First time you've had a chance to say something like that about Matthew.

BO: And I think I like it.

NORA: Really Bo?

BO: Really. I can't tell you how many times I saw you with Matthew and Sam and wished it was me. I was jealous as hell. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done-- to pretend I didn't care.

NORA: I don't understand. When we got the first DNA test back you acted relieved that Matthew wasn't yours.

BO: I'd already lost the most valuable thing I had in my life to Sam. I didn't really feel like going to battle with him over something else-- especially since I couldn't see how I could win. I thought you were in love with Sam. Having Matthew be his tied everything up in a nice, neat little package. Everything but my feelings.

Bo had a far off look in his eyes. Nora couldn't believe what she was hearing.

BO: I'm really hungry. Mind if I make an omelette-- if there are any eggs left.

NORA: No, please, go ahead.

BO: Do you want one?

NORA: No thanks, but I'll keep you company if you want.

BO: I'd like that.

They made a pot of coffee and sat at the kitchen table and talked. It started slowly, but the conversation became deeper and deeper.

BO: What kept you with Sam?

NORA: Fear. Fear of being pregnant and alone. When you left, I needed someone there to keep me sane. I had to take care of myself for the baby. I didn't have the will to do it alone.

BO: You're saying it wasn't really Sam, himself?

NORA: I thought so at first, but then it just became a question of what's the best thing for Matthew. The answer seemed to be-- give him a father.

BO: That night at the hospital-- Matthew was still so sick and so were you-- when I came to talk to you-- why did you push me away?

NORA: If I hurt you so much that you slept with Lindsay, then I thought what we had was gone. I destroyed it. I didn't deserve "us." I didn't deserve you. I realized something else too. When I found out you slept with Lindsay I understood what your pain felt like when you found out I'd slept with Sam. And it was damning.

Bo stared down at the table and nodded his head.

NORA: Why did you stay involved with Lindsay after that night?

BO: You know when you're a kid and you're the last one picked for the baseball team?

NORA: Somehow I don't think that was you.

BO: Okay, how about the one spelling test you didn't study for and the teacher makes an example of you and holds up your test so the whole class can see you made a 58. You snicker to your buddies and pretend it doesn't matter. You tell them at recess that she's an old bag and who cares? But you do. You care. But you keep on pretending you don't care because if you pretend long enough maybe the pain and humiliation will actually go away. I lost you, and with Matthew being Sam's son, I didn't think I had any chance of ever getting you back. So I pretended I was okay. I pretended to get on with life. I told anyone who would listen-- Pa, Renee, Hank-- that I had moved on. I was brain dead. I guess she was a prop-- just conveniently there, eager to be part of the charade. And what none of us knew is that she had orchestrated it all from DAY ONE.

They looked at each other, this time in the eyes. There was a sadness there, but also understanding. Things that could have been said the night of the Club Indigo fire had finally been said. It was almost dawn. The coffee pot was empty. Bo reached across the table and took Nora's hand.

BO: I'm sorry.
NORA: Me too.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Then Matthew began to cry.

NORA: It's about time we heard from him. He's been asleep for hours.

They went upstairs where Matthew was still surrounded by pillows on the big bed. Bo tossed them off one side and layed down by Matthew.

BO: It's okay buddy. Your Mommie is here now.

NORA: And your Daddy too.

Bo smiled that old smile that always melted her heart. She layed down on the other side of the bed and gave Matthew his bottle. Matthew's eyes went from one side of the bed to the other trying to figure it all out. Bo propped his head up on one arm as he watched Matthew.

BO: I wish I were better with words. I don't know how to say what I'm feeling. I mean-- this is my son! I don't know him. I haven't spent any time with him. But this I know-- I love him-- deep in my heart past where the boundaries of love begin and end-- into always and forever. Does that make any sense?

NORA: I've never heard it put better.

Weeks later after she and Bo were remarried and happier than ever, Nora thought again about why she had chosen to go to the beach house that day. It had to do with staring down monsters-- not Todd or Brian Harris-- but life's mistakes. It had to do with finding the courage to forgive herself and accepting God's grace. Once she did that-- all of life's beauty returned to her in abundance. When the tears came now it was usually when she overheard Bo telling Matthew bedtime stories about magical fishing lures that could attract the "big one," and how someday they would catch his first fish-- together.

A couple of years later the beach house was put up for sale. Bo and Nora couldn't resist-- they bought it. It became a place for joyful family gatherings, weddings at sunset, volleyball games, sand castle-building contests, and winter strolls that ended in front of the fireplace with hot chocolate. How could that be-- at a place where there had been such terror once upon a time? The answer was in the simple wooden plaque Bo and Nora hung beside the front door. It read:

THE BUCHANAN BEACH HOUSE

Our net of love
Is strong and wide
Prepare to be caught
If you step inside.