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Bo's Journey Home - Chapter 19 Bo pulled Matthew from his chest. Matthew was wiping his tears from his face with the back of his bare arms and sniffling. “Feeling stuff sucks, huh?” said Matthew.   Bo was helping him dry his tears. “Sometimes. But most times, it helps to talk things out. If I could teach you one thing, it would be that it is better to talk to the people you love about things that are bothering you than to run away from them. Believe me, Matthew, I know. And I’m one of those people in your life that loves you. I’m always going to be here for you and I’m not going anywhere, all right?” Matthew nodded his head and Bo changed the subject.   “How about, we make a fire, roast hotdogs and then make some ‘smores?” Bo smiled. “I brought all the stuff.”   Matthew nodded again and returned his smile. “Sounds good.”   Bo and Matthew changed into sweats and tee-shirts and then carried all of the stuff they needed out to the stone fireplace near the water’s edge. Soon they were cooking and talking about their day on the boat, the “feeling stuff” put on hold for that day. They threw a blanket on the ground between the stone fireplace and the water and sat down to eat. As they were both finishing their third ‘smore, they looked up into the night sky as the stars glittered there. Bo looked up and pointed. “Look, you can see the gumdrop.”   Matthew raised his eyebrows at Bo’s lack of knowledge. “Gumdrop is not a real constellation. We learned about them in school.”   Bo raised his eyebrows back at Matthew. “You doubt me, young sir?” Matthew raised his eyebrows back. “Well, don’t let your mother hear you say that. The gumdrop is her own personal constellation.”   Matthew rolled his eyes. “She made that up on her own?”   Bo nodded and smiled, remembering their time at the beach house. “Yeah, she did.”   Matthew was still looking up at the stars. “It seems like there are so many more stars out up here then back home. It sure would be neat to fall asleep just watching them,” Matthew said.   Bo looked over at him. “We can.” He stood, pulling Matthew up with him. “Come on.”   Matthew looked at him, interested. “Where we going?” Bo smiled. “Help me get this food into the cabin, and then you’ll see.” Bo had Matthew help him grab all of the food and stuff they had brought out of the cabin to eat. Bo dumped the food onto the kitchen table and then dragged both sleeping bags outside, Matthew following with pillows.   Matthew watched Bo place the sleeping bags on top of the blanket they were just sitting on. “Really?” Matthew asked, looking at Bo in disbelief. “We can just sleep right out here, with no tent, or nothing?”   Bo plopped down on one of the sleeping bags. “Sure, why not? I used to do it all the time with my brother when I was a kid.”   Matthew plopped down beside him. “Mom would be freaking out.”   Bo looked over at him with that cunning smile again. “Mom’s not here. I am.”   Matthew again returned a mirror image of that same smile. “This is great.”   Bo reached out to touch his head. “Yeah, it is.” Bo pulled open the sleeping bag. “Here, climb in.” Matthew climbed into the sleeping bag next to Bo, both folding their arms back behind their heads and laying back. They were both quiet, listening to the sounds of the water, the crackling of the fire, and watching the stars glitter. They both fell fast asleep.   When Bo woke, he felt something heavy across his body. When he got his eyes completely open, he focused on Matthew, huddled next to him, his head resting on Bo’s chest, his arm across Bo’s body, angled down towards Bo’s waist. Bo smiled to himself, remembering. Matthew slept exactly the way Nora used to sleep with him. Bo slowly brought his arms around Matthew, pulling him in closer. Matthew stirred, but didn’t wake. The sun was just starting to rise. Bo nudged Matthew. “Hey, Cowboy, wake up, open your eyes.” Matthew slowly moved, barely opening his eyes. “Look at the sun rise,” Bo whispered.   Without moving his body, Matthew focused his eyes on the sun coming up over the lake. “It’s great,” he murmured. As the sun rose higher and higher into the sky, Matthew let his eyelids close again. Bo chuckled softly, running his fingers through Matthew’s hair. “Glad we got to share that buddy.” Bo continued to hold Matthew in his arms, feeling Matthew’s heartbeat against his chest, enjoying the closeness of holding his son for the first time while he slept. After a few minutes, Matthew rolled from Bo’s chest and onto his back, still asleep.   Bo leaned up onto his side, propping his head with his hand to watch Matthew sleep. It was the first time he had ever done that as well. Bo lay next to Matthew, watching and listening to Matthew’s breathing, his small chest rising and falling with each breath he took. Bo glanced at Matthew’s small hand and then flexed out his own, noticing for the first time that they had the same hands. He reached for Matthew’s hand, holding it gently in the palm of his own hand. Bo softly caressed each one of Matthew’s fingers with his thumb, causing Matthew to stir slightly. Bo placed Matthew’s hand back down and then gently caressed Matthew’s cheek with the back of his fingers, the small face a mirror image of his own. Bo had missed so much. He had no plans to miss anymore time with this little boy, or his mother.   Bo pulled himself up quietly and headed into the cabin. He made himself some coffee, poured a glass of apple juice for Matthew, grabbed a box of cereal and went back outside to sit by Matthew as he slept. He sipped his coffee, popping dry cereal into his mouth from the box.   Matthew sat up groggily. “Boy, you crunch awful loud.”   Bo laughed out loud. “Wake ya, did I?”   Matthew stood, stretching. “Either you did or we are having an earthquake or something. What are you eating?”   Bo extended the box of cereal towards Matthew. “Captn’ Crunch. Want some? I brought you some apple juice.” Matthew walked over to him and took the glass of juice. Bo was still crunching on the dry cereal.   Matthew looked from the box of cereal to Bo. “Right out of the box? With your hands?”   Bo smiled, nodding his head, reaching in and grabbing some more and then extending the box of cereal to Matthew. “Want some?” he asked again.   Matthew reached into the box, grabbing a handful, some falling to the ground. “If mom were here,” He stopped himself, looking at Bo. Before Bo could open his mouth, Matthew grinned. “I know,” Matthew started. Bo and Matthew said it together. “Mom’s not here, I am/you are.” They both laughed.   Bo swallowed the last handful of cereal. “Want to try the Jet Ski today?”   Matthew’s eyes lit up. “You mean it?”   “Come on, let’s go.” Bo said, starting towards the dock.   Matthew looked down at his sweat pants. “Like this?”   Bo nodded. “Sure. Why not?” They both took off for the dock. They slipped on their boat shoes they had left on the dock by the boat from the day before. Bo grabbed the life jackets from the boat and they each slipped one on. Bo untied the Jet Ski and got on, pulling Matthew in front of him. He explained the key, the thruster and the breaks and then started it up and they were off across the lake. They spent a few hours touring the lake on the Jet Ski. They made their way back to the cabin. Bo lifted Matthew up onto the dock, moored the Jet Ski, and then climbed up onto the dock himself. The two walked side by side back to the cabin. They toweled off, brushed teeth, and changed into dry clothes. Bo looked at Matthew. “We should start to clean up a little around here. Back home today.”   Matthew looked up at him, almost disappointed at those words. “Okay.”   They cleaned up quickly, making a few trips out to the truck. They hadn’t eaten since the cereal and it was way past noon. They drove into town, picked up sandwiches and drove back to the cabin. Bo was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen counter and looking at Matthew at the table. “Can I ask you something?”   Matthew nodded, munching on his sandwich. “Sure.”   Bo spoke cautiously. “How did you find out about me being your real father? Who told you?”   Matthew stopped in mid chew. “Do I have to tell you?”   Bo shrugged a bit. “I told you everything you asked me.”   Matthew considered that. “I guess. But if I tell you, do you promise not to get mad?”   Bo was confused. “At who?” He pointed at Matthew. “At you?” Matthew nodded and Bo reassured him. “I won’t be mad.”   Matthew thought a few minutes. “Okay.” He put the sandwich down. “It was the day I didn’t come home from camp. We had the baseball game, and I didn’t play so good.” Bo’s heart broke for him at that simple statement. “I didn’t start the second game, so I walked over to the diner to get some ice cream.” He looked at Bo who was about to speak. “I know, I know, I shouldn’t have left the baseball field,” Matthew said.   Bo smiled at him. “Okay. As long as you know that.”   Matthew nodded and continued. “When I got to the diner, I sat down in a booth and that’s when I heard them.”   Bo all ready knew the answer but he wanted to hear Matthew say it. “Heard who?”   Matthew looked at him intently. “Your friend, Gabrielle and, umm, her friend. I heard Gabrielle say my name, and mom’s, and yours.”   Bo tried to keep his voice steady. “What were they saying? Did they see you there?”   Matthew remembered that afternoon as if it were yesterday. “They didn’t see me at first. Gabrielle was talking about you, and how you were my real father. She said you didn’t want me and walked out on mom; that you didn’t want to stay married to mom. So you divorced mom and left me.”   Matthew paused, swallowing hard but continued. “She said mom begged you to stay and you wouldn’t. She said that you made mom cry and.” He paused again. “You broke all of the promises you ever made to mom about being there for her, and for me. Gabrielle said that you walked out on mom and me without a look back.”   Matthew paused a third time. “Gabrielle said that once she had a baby, mom would never want me to know that you were my real father, because you would leave me again.” Matthew looked away from Bo. Bo could barely move. His anger was overwhelming him, but he had to stay calm. He did not want Matthew to see how angry he was.   Bo spoke through clenched teeth. “Matthew, none of what she said to you is true. None of it!”   Matthew looked back at Bo. “You’re mad. You promised you wouldn’t get mad.”   Bo swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice level and forced a smile. “I’m not mad at you, all right. Tell me what happened next?”   Matthew looked at him doubtfully. “You sound mad to me.”   Bo took a deep breath. “I’m not mad at you,” he repeated. “I’m mad at Gabrielle, but I’m not mad at you.” He took another deep breath, repeating his question, his voice gentler. “Just tell me what happened next, Matthew.” Matthew was still staring at Bo doubtfully. “Please?” Bo asked him.   Matthew nodded and continued. “I finally stood up and told her she was lying,” He paused again. “That mom would have told me if you were my father. But Gabrielle said that mom didn’t want me to know. Gabrielle said that mom didn’t want to hurt my feelings because,” Matthew stopped short.   Bo was trying to breathe. Trying to keep his anger in check was choking him. “Because why?” Bo continued for him.   Matthew sulked a bit. “Because then mom would have to tell me everything you did; that you left me and left mom. And that the only reason you were spending time with me now was because you felt bad about leaving when I was a baby and now you were trying to make it up to me.”   Bo had closed his eyes, trying to hide his fury. His breathing was short and shallow. He opened his eyes and Matthew was staring at him. “Keep going, Matthew,” Bo insisted.   Matthew continued his story. “I wanted Gabrielle to shut-up. I wanted her to stop saying those things. But she kept saying you left, over and over again. So I ran away, trying to make her voice stop. But I could still hear her in my head. So I just kept running, because every time I stopped, my head hurt and my heart hurt and I could still hear her voice. So I just ran.”   Bo was not able to move from where he stood. “Where were you for two days?”   Matthew suddenly blurted out. “Please don’t be mad and blame him, he helped me.”   Bo was confused. “Blame who? Who helped you?”   Matthew sighed. “A fisherman, down at the pier.”   Bo’s face registered a surprised look. “You ran all the way to the waterfront?”   Matthew nodded. “Yes. I didn’t know it until I was standing by the edge of the dock. I was just standing there, looking at the water, and.” He stopped short.   Bo looked at him intently. “And what?”   Matthew said it quickly. “I fell in to the river.”   Bo pushed himself off from the counter, standing straight up. “You what!?”   Matthew shrugged. “I had fallen down when I was running and banged my head.” He absently touched the area above his left eye. “I guess I got dizzy standing there by the edge of the water and I fell in.” He sighed, remembering. “I was so tired from running; I couldn’t move my arms or legs to get back to the top of the water. I felt like I was choking and then I felt like I was falling asleep. But then I felt someone grab me and pull me out of the river. Next thing I knew, I was lying on the dock and throwing up all of the water.”   Bo couldn’t stand it any longer. He reached Matthew in two steps, grabbing him and lifting him up into his arms, pulling him in close. He held him tight. “Matthew, you could have drowned.”   Matthew was almost frightened by Bo’s fierce grasp. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”   Bo set him back down, sitting down in front of him, pulling him to stand between his legs, gently stoking the side of Matthew’s head. He really could have lost him, Bo thought angrily, because of Gabrielle. Bo’s breathing had become normal again, his hands on Matthew’s waist as he stood between Bo’s legs. “Tell me about the fisherman who got you out of the water?”   Matthew was afraid to continue. “It was just some fisherman.”   Bo smiled softly at him. “Matthew, I’m not mad, okay? I’m not going to arrest him; I just want to understand everything that happened to you.”   Matthew nodded slightly. “He was very nice. He saw me fall; he jumped in and pulled me out. He took me to his house, made me something to eat, he dried my clothes, let me sleep.”   Bo closed his eyes for a second. “You went with him to his house?” Matthew nodded. Bo was trying to stay calm, still holding Matthew by his waist. “Matthew, you realize that he could have hurt you.”   Matthew didn’t understand. “Why would he hurt me? He pulled me out of the river. If he wanted to hurt me, wouldn’t he have just let me drown?”   Bo nodded, running his hands up and down Matthew’s back, almost trying to reassure himself that Matthew was still there in front of him. “Okay. That might be true. But you do know you don’t go with strangers, right?”   Matthew nodded. “But he helped me. He said his name was Harry, but the um, he said the fellas around the docks called him Skipper. He fixes boats. He let me stay with him for two days, and he listened to me.”   Bo was still holding onto Matthew gently. “What did you talk to him about?”   “You.” Matthew said sullenly. “I told him what Gabrielle had said about you. But he was on your side. He said I should talk to you, find out what really happened.” Bo smiled gratefully for the help of a stranger. “But I didn’t want to talk to you. I left that night, and walked to the Palace Hotel.”   Bo interrupted him. “You walked to the Palace Hotel from the waterfront? At night? And no one saw you?” He spoke his thoughts out loud. “I’ll have to check to see which of my officers were patrolling the area that night.”   Matthew shook his head. “Don’t blame them. I didn’t want to be seen, so I was careful to hide from people. I didn’t want to talk to you and I didn’t want to talk to mom and upset her all over again, so I thought I would go and talk to Renee. I knew she would tell me the truth. But I never got to see her. I fell asleep back by the fence near the pool. In the morning when I woke up, I didn’t feel good, so I went and sat on the bench near the street and you found me there.” Matthew stepped back from where he was standing between Bo’s legs. He and Bo were both quiet. “I didn’t mean to make everyone worried,” Matthew apologized.   Bo stood, looking down at the floor, and then back at Matthew. “I know, buddy. I don’t know what your mom and I would have done if something bad had happened to you. I think you and I have both learned that running away isn’t going to fix anything.” He raised his eyebrows at Matthew. “Right?” Matthew nodded his agreement. Bo stooped in front of Matthew. “Will you promise me something?”   Matthew was suspicious. “What?”   Bo reached out and took hold of Matthew’s shoulders. “That you will never run away again? That if anything is bothering you, you will talk to me or mom. Promise?”   “I guess so,” Matthew muttered.   “No, I want you to promise,” Bo insisted.   Matthew looked at him. “Are you going to tell mom?”   “Don’t you think you should?” Bo countered.   Matthew turned his head away. “She’ll just get up set and probably ground me.”   “Maybe we can tell her together.” Bo pulled Matthew’s face to his. “Promise me, no more running away.”   Matthew countered back. “Can you make the same promise?”   Bo nodded, pulling Matthew into a hug, feeling Matthew hug him back. “Yeah, I can. No running away from you.” Bo thought briefly of Gabrielle and her role in all of this. “Or your mother,” Bo added. To be continued …