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Bo's Journey Home - Chapter 28 As Nora drove home Friday night, she thought about her week. She was tired. She was barely sleeping. And when she did manage to close her eyes, her dreams of Bo and the barn house and of their life together continued to haunt her sleep. When she was awake, which was most of the time; Matthew wasn’t speaking to her, and emphasized it by hanging out in every room she was in, just so he could ignore her when she tried to talk to him. Then Rachel had called, demanding to know what was going on, explaining that Matthew had called to find out how he could divorce his parents. So Nora had to rehash the entire story for her. And to top off the week, Nora hadn’t been able to catch up with Bo at all. Her life at work had become as unbearable as it was at home.   Bo seemed to be ignoring her the same way his son was, except Bo was doing it by being invisible. She couldn’t find him anywhere. Every where Nora had looked for Bo, it always seemed that she was one step behind him. When she would stop by his office, she would be told he had just stepped out. When she had asked Marcie where Bo was, all Marcie would say was that he was in meetings or out on whatever afternoon Nora happened to be looking for him. Yet Marcie never seemed to know what meeting he was in or when he would be back. Antonio didn’t have any other information either, or none that he was offering.   Nora had tried Bo’s cell phone, but got his voice mail. She had called the Garrett and found the number had been disconnected. She knew Gabrielle had moved out, but why would Bo disconnect the phone? So Nora assumed Bo just didn’t want to talk to her. And that was infuriating her. Nora had originally felt bad for what she had said to him that night at her house. She had wanted to apologize to him. Now, she no longer felt bad or guilty. She was just angry. It was bad enough he hadn’t returned her phone calls, yet again, but he had left her to deal with Matthew’s anger and silence, alone. Thinking of Matthew had her reaching for her cell phone and calling home.   Maryann answered and assured Nora that Matthew was fine; that he was in his room. Maryann also mentioned that Renee had called. That gave Nora an idea. Speaking into her cell phone, she asked Maryann if she could stay with Matthew a little later, she had a few stops to make. Maryann agreed and Nora hung up. Nora then called the police station, identified herself and asked dispatch where the Commissioner was. Nora knew Bo had to let them know where he was even during his off hours. They told her he was at the Palace Hotel. “Well, how convenient,” Nora thought. She could catch up with Bo and see Renee at the same time. Nora turned her car around and headed in that direction. She would find Bo and make him talk to her if it was the last thing she did. Or, she would just go on ignore mode herself.   When Nora arrived at the Palace, Renee was standing in the lobby, speaking to some of her employees. Renee saw Nora and immediately went to greet her. “Nora, darling, how are you?” Renee asked, hugging her. “I haven’t seen you in a while.” She pulled back from the hug to look at Nora. “You look tired.”   Nora avoided her comment. “I’m fine, really,” she lied. “I got your message and came here to see you and I was looking for Bo. Have you seen him tonight?”   Renee nodded with a slight smile. “He joined Asa and me for dinner. That’s why I had called you. I was hoping you might be able to join us.”   “I got your message too late.” Nora noticed the glint in Renee’s eyes. “What’s going on?”   Renee’s smile grew larger. “Asa and I set finally set the wedding date. It will be Thanksgiving. All of the Buchanan’s will be here.”   Nora returned her smile. “Renee. You finally gave in to the old coot. I am so happy for you.” Nora chuckled softly, looking off distantly and murmuring almost to herself. “You and Asa. A perfect match.” She looked back up at Renee. “Is that what your dinner with Bo was about?”   Renee nodded. “The two of them just left.” She saw Nora’s eyes cloud over with disappointment and a little anger. “Nora, is something wrong?”   Nora hesitated a split second. No one knew the Buchanan men better than Renee. If anyone could help her, it was Renee. Nora trusted her explicitly. And loved her like a mother. “Do you have time to talk?” Nora asked.   Beyond the tiredness under her eyes, Renee could see Nora’s turmoil. “Of course, come on.” Renee led them into the dining room and to a small table near a window in the back. A waiter immediately approached them and took a drink order, returning with them quickly. Renee watched Nora sip her club soda, her eyes darting around the dining room. “What’s troubling you Nora?”   Nora looked at her surrogate mother. “It’s Bo, and me,” she paused, before adding, “and Matthew.”   Renee nodded knowingly, looking at her. “I knew something was up with Bo. He and Asa were exchanging barbs tonight as if they had something to hide. And Bo’s just been acting so strange lately.”   Nora was surprised. “Lately? What do you mean, lately?” Renee shrugged. “Well, since he’s been staying with Asa and me…”   Nora was shocked and interrupted. “Staying with you and Asa? At the mansion?”   Renee nodded, looking at her confused. “I thought you knew.”   Nora shook her head, looking down. “No, I didn’t know. He didn’t tell me.” Just another indication of how much had changed between her and Bo.   Renee continued. “It’s been about 2 weeks now.”   “Well,” Nora thought to herself. It was time to bring Renee up to date. Nora stared at her directly. “Maybe I can explain some of Bo’s strangeness,” she continued out loud. “But you have to promise me you won’t tell Asa. At least not yet.”   Renee smiled slyly. “Not a problem. I keep secrets from Asa all the time.”   Nora hesitated and then let go of her secret. “Bo is Matthew’s father; his real, biological father.”   Renee sucked in a deep breath. “You want to run that by me again?”   Nora heaved a sigh. “It’s true, Renee. We just recently found out.”   Renee needed to clarify for herself. “We? Being Bo and you?”   Nora nodded. “Yes, and Matthew knows, too.” Nora then poured her heart out to Renee, telling her everything that had happened since finding out the truth of Matthew’s paternity. She ended the story with their pizza dinner the other night, Matthew’s proposed deal that Bo move in with them, the heated exchange between them, followed by Matthew and Bo storming out.   “So Bo and Matthew have not spoken to you since?” Renee asked, amazed.   Nora shook her head. “Nope. I haven’t seen Bo all week. He’s ignoring me by becoming invisible. But Matthew, he purposely follows me around the house just so he can show me he’s ignoring me. He’s very visible.”   Renee chuckled at the thought of that. “He’ll get over that.”   Nora shook her head. “I’m not so sure.”   Renee waved her hand nonchalantly. “You know the Buchanan men, Nora. Short fuses, deal makers, but good, loyal men. Once they explode, they come around. Your Matthew sounds like he has the Buchanan traits down pat.”   Nora gave a small smile. “But add the Hanan traits to the mix and Bo and I have created quite a stubborn young man. Matthew will continue this behavior until he wins his argument. That’s where my traits come in. He’s had a good teacher.”   Renee gave a small laugh. “I still can’t believe Matthew is Bo’s son. I’m so happy for both of you. And Asa will be over the moon. He’ll spoil him rotten. He’ll have to make up for missing the first 6 years.” Renee saw a shadow come across Nora’s face. “I’m sorry, Nora. Did I say something wrong?”   Nora spoke suddenly. “Renee, I have made such a mess of my life. Letting Sam back into my life ruined my life, not to mention Bo’s and Matthew’s.”   Renee reached her hand out to touch Nora. “Don’t go back there, Nora. You did what you did out of love. Don’t ever forget that.”   Nora’s eyes filled with tears. “How can I not go back there? When I let that happen, I lost Bo. But he lost a lot more; he lost Drew, he lost me and he lost six years with Matthew. Do you think there’s anything else I might be able to take from him?”   Renee shook her head. “Just stop, Nora.”   Nora ignored her, pulling from Renee’s touch and continuing to pour out her heart. “I took his love, and I hurt him, I let Sam take his son, and I hurt him. Maybe Bo and I are just destined to hurt each other, rather than love each other.”   Renee spoke softly. “Nora, you don’t really believe that now, do you? Nora shrugged and Renee continued. “Don’t you realize that love and hurt go hand in hand sometimes? We can only be hurt by the people we love. If we didn’t love them, nothing they did could hurt us.” Nora closed her eyes shaking her head. “Oh Renee. Bo and I have definitely done our share of hurting.”   Renee reached across the table again and touched Nora’s arm gently. “Then its time to heal. You still love Bo, don’t you Nora?”   Nora opened her eyes and looked into Renee’s eyes. “With all my heart, Renee. He is my heart. And 6 years away from him couldn’t change that. Not that I didn’t try, first with Sam, and then with Troy.”   Renee nodded. “Bo’s easy to love.”   Nora shook her head with a slight laugh. “Not always Renee. Maybe I was trying to love him too much. Look what I did, in the name of love, because I was so afraid I would lose him. And I lost him anyway.”   Renee disagreed. “No, Nora. You could never love Bo to much. These Buchanan men need all the love we can give them. God knows, I’ve loved one all my life. Married him twice, working on three. Just can’t seem to stay away, because I love Asa, the same way you love Bo. We’re connected.”   Nora nodded in understanding. “Seems a lifetime for me that I’ve loved Bo. But he hates me for what I did. And now I’m raising a Buchanan, who hates me as much as his father does right now.”   Renee shook her head. “Bo and Matthew don’t hate you, Nora. First of all, Matthew could never hate you, you’re his mother. And Bo, he doesn’t know how to hate. He loves you, Nora.”   Nora shook her head. “He told me once he hated me. That’s when I knew; he could never love me again.”   “Love you again?” Renee repeated, emphasizing the word again. “Darling, he never stopped loving you. Anyone who knows him can see that.”   “Then why can’t I see it?” Nora argued, the tiredness coming through in her tone.   “Maybe because you don’t want to,” Renee answered quietly.   Nora stared back her confused. “What? Not want to? Why wouldn’t I want to?”   Renee sipped her drink. “That I can’t answer for you. Only you can.”   Nora looked at Renee, pleading in her eyes. “Come on, Renee. Help me here. Why wouldn’t I want Bo to love me again?”   Renee put her glass down, speaking softly. She would have to try and guide Nora down the right path. “Maybe because you feel like you don’t deserve it, that you have to do penance.”   Nora looked at Renee confused. “Penance? Penance for what?”   Renee said the words slowly. “For loving someone so much that you crossed a line for that love. You’re punishing yourself, doing penance, waiting for a forgiveness that will never come.”   Nora shook her head. “I’m not waiting for Bo’s forgiveness, Renee. Bo’s already said he’s forgiven me, whether I believe him or not.”   “I didn’t say it was Bo’s forgiveness you’re looking for, Nora.” Renee looked at Nora before she continued. “I think the forgiveness you’re looking for; is your own. You’ve never been able to forgive yourself.” Renee hesitated. “Give yourself a break. Let yourself off the hook. Stop denying yourself Bo’s love.”   Nora looked straight at Renee, her elbows on the table, her chin resting on her closed hands. “I’m not denying myself of Bo’s love, Renee, because Bo doesn’t love me anymore. How could he, after everything I’ve done to him? Umm?”   Renee returned her look. “Bo does still love you because you are a part of him, the same way you know he is a part of you. There is an old Indian legend that says; when we are born, the soul we are given is split apart and half of it is given to someone else. All our lives, we look for the one person with the other half of our soul. And if we are lucky enough to ever find that person, our soul says, at last, I have found my missing half and I am at peace. Then, it is said, we are truly happy.” Renee paused and looked at Nora. “You and Bo, Nora. Soul mates; two halves of the same soul. And right now, neither one of you is whole without the other. Until you both see that, neither one of you will ever be truly happy or at peace. The question is, when will you both realize that?”   Nora opened her mouth to disagree and then stopped. She couldn’t find fault with Renee’s argument. Instead, she let the tired tears come as she covered her face with both hands. To be continued…