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Bo's Journey Home - Chapter 36   Nora was still in Bo’s arms, staring into his eyes, her unzipped dress exposing her back to the stall door. The sound of their son’s voice had left them both immobile. A million thoughts were running through Nora’s brain. How did Matthew know about ‘Red?’ And more importantly, had he seen them? This was not the position she wanted her son to see her in; in a lip lock with Bo, her dress unzipped, his shirt unbuttoned. She opened her mouth to speak but Bo shook his head slightly, making a ‘shh’ face with his lips. He was looking over Nora’s shoulder towards the stall door. They heard a second voice. Nigel.   “Matthew! Slow down. I can’t keep up. Besides, I don’t want you to fall into anything unpleasant. I can’t believe I let you convince me to bring you down here this late. If your father knew we were here in the stables, I could lose my job. Just feed the horse the apples and lets’ hurry back.”   Matthew called back over his shoulder. “Stop worrying, Nigel. I won’t let you get into any trouble. Besides, Bo is too busy dancing with my mother to notice anything. We’ll be back in the ballroom before he even knows I was gone.”   Nigel walked cautiously through the stable, not wanting to step into anything foreign as he had done earlier in the day. Matthew climbed up on the bales of hay that were on the ground just outside one of the stalls. The horse within the stall came quickly to Matthew, nuzzling him gently with obvious recognition. “Hiya Red,” Matthew said again, reaching out and stroking the nose of the horse, continuing to speak to her softly. “I have a Thanksgiving treat for you.”   The horse nudged him slightly, waiting for Matthew to extend the apple treat. The horse took the apple gently from Matthew’s hand, munching on it as Matthew continued to stroke her. “Isn’t she beautiful?”   Nigel smiled at the boy. “That she is.” Nigel watched the horse gently nudge Matthew. “I think she likes you, young sir.”   Matthew nodded, never taking his eyes from the horse. “I think she does too.”   Nigel glanced around the stables, watching the other horses that had come to the head of their stall doors. “I think all of your grandfather’s horses like you. You must come down here more than your parents suspect.”   Matthew shrugged his shoulders. “Not really.”   Nigel smiled, looking around at the other horses. “Well, the other horses certainly seem to know you. And they appear to be a bit jealous of all of the attention you’re giving to that one horse.”   Matthew looked over his shoulder at the other horses before responding to Nigel. “Red’s my favorite.” Matthew looked back at his father’s horse. “Why do you think Bo calls her Red?”   Nigel smiled knowingly. “That’s because she’s a Red Stallion. Her coat and her mane are that deep red color; almost the same color as your mother’s hair.” Nigel added softly. “Your father is very partial to red heads.”   Matthew didn’t hear Nigel’s last comment, but Nora did. She was still leaning into Bo’s body, her hands resting on his shoulders, his back pressed against the wood of the stall wall, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist. Bo diverted his eyes from Nora at Nigel’s comment. Nora moved her head, trying to make eye contact with him and make him look at her.   Matthew reached out and stroked the horse’s long neck. “Bo only calls her Red when no one else is around. Most of the time, he just calls her Gorgeous.”   Nigel nodded. “She’s gorgeous too, young Matthew. She’s definitely gorgeous.”   Matthew continued to stroke the horse’s neck. “Well, I like calling her Red. She comes right over to me when I do, like she knows that’s her real name.” Matthew looked over at Nigel. “Can I tell you a secret?” Nigel nodded and Matthew looked back at the horse. “Sometimes, I talk to Red and I tell her everything I’m feeling inside; and she looks at me like she’s really listening, really understanding what I’m saying. Does that sound dumb?”   Nigel shook his head and smiled at him. “No. It doesn’t sound dumb at all. Buchanans have a way with their horses.”   Matthew continued to stroke the horse. “She’s not mine. She’s really Bo’s horse. I just pretend that she’s mine.”   Nigel nodded in understanding. “I think he would be glad that you were giving so much attention to her. Your father has kept his horses here for years but he doesn’t get here to ride as much as he used to.”   Matthew looked quickly back at Nigel. “Bo has more than one horse?”   Nigel shook his head. “No. He’s never had more than one at a time; unlike your grandfather who loves a stable full. I don’t think there has ever been a time when there haven’t been horses here at this stable.”   Matthew turned away from Nigel, continuing to stroke the horse in front of him. “Bo says Grandpa rides all of these horses. Why do you think he has so many when he can only ride one at a time?”   Nigel smiled at Matthew’s simple question. His answer was just as simple. “Well, they’re not all his; some belong to your cousins. But I think having so many horses around reminds him of Texas.”   Matthew looked back over at Nigel. “Grandpa says he’s going to take me to Texas so I can pick out my own pony, but I really like Bo’s horse. Why do you think Bo only has one horse and my grandfather has so many?”   Nigel shrugged. “I don’t know, Master Matthew. Maybe your father likes to give all his attention to just one horse. It makes him and the horse feel connected, kind of like when you said you talk to the horse.”   Matthew nodded. “Bo says it’s good for a man to have a horse. You saddle her up, take her out for a ride, clears a man’s head.”   Nigel nodded. “I’ve heard your grandfather say the same thing.”   “Well, I can’t wait until I’m old enough to ride on my own.” Matthew looked over at Nigel at the mention of his grandfather. “Can I ask you something?”   Nigel just looked at the boy, wondering what was going on in his head, afraid he was about to find out. He nodded in response to Matthew’s request. “Yes. You may ask me anything.”   Matthew stared right at Nigel. “I know I could ask Bo, but I rather ask you.”   Bo started to move around Nora but she leaned into him, stopping him; wrapping her arms around his waist and shaking her head.   Nigel began to get uncomfortable. “Maybe you shouldn’t ask me anything. This sounds serious and I’m not very good at serious. Maybe you should wait and talk to your father.”   Matthew shook his head. “I want to ask someone who’s not a Buchanan, but who knows the Buchanans.”   Nigel nodded slowly. “Very well, young sir. What is it then?”   Matthew looked around the barn at all of the horses before looking back at Nigel. “Did grandpa get all of these horses by being mean to people?”   Bo tried to move around Nora again, but she tightened the hold she had around his waist, pressing her body more firmly against his, holding him against the back of the stall wall. He raised his eyebrows at her and she shook her head again.   Nigel looked at Matthew confused. “Now where did you hear something like that?”   Matthew shrugged. “I heard someone say that all of the Buchanans are mean and do mean things to get what they want.”   Nigel shook his head, speaking cautiously. “I’ve known your grandfather a very long time, Master Matthew. Everything he has, he has because he’s a very clever man. Does he seem mean to you?”   Matthew shook his head. “No.”   Nigel continued. “And what about the other Buchanans? Your cousins and your uncle,” Nigel paused. “And your father? Do any of them seem mean to you?”   For a third time, Bo tried to move around Nora, opening his mouth to call out to Matthew, but Nora put her finger to Bo’s lips, pushing her other hand against his chest to hold him back. She shook her head quickly. “Wait,” she mouthed to him.   Matthew shook his head again. “No.”   Nigel nodded his agreement. “And that’s because they’re not. Your Uncle Clint is anything but mean. He is all about being fair. So are his children. Didn’t they seem fair today when Mister Kevin and Mister Joey rescued you from your suit to include you in the cowboy theme?”   Matthew nodded his head slowly and Nigel continued. “And the Commissioner is all about doing what’s right for people, no matter what the cost, especially to himself. He’s a good man, your father.”   Matthew nodded. “I know he is. He’s been really good to me.”   Nigel nodded. “You can be proud to be his son.”   Matthew pointed out what he thought was obvious. “But I haven’t been his son that long.”   Nigel shook his head. “You’ve always been his son, young sir; in his heart and yours.”   “I guess.” Matthew paused. “It’s just that.” Matthew paused again.   Nigel continued for him. “Just what?”   Matthew looked over at Nigel. “I guess I just need to figure out who I really am now.”   Nigel spoke gently to Matthew. “You’re Matthew. Being the Commissioner’s son doesn’t change who you are inside. Don’t try and be someone you think everyone wants you to be. If you trust what you feel in your heart, everything will be okay. Just be yourself.”   Matthew echoed Nigel’s words, remembering another stranger who had said the same thing to him. “Trust what I feel in my heart.” Nigel nodded as Matthew turned back to the horse, speaking softly so only the horse could hear him. “But my heart doesn’t know what to feel; am I Matthew Rappaport, or Matthew Buchanan?”   Nigel jutted his head out towards Matthew. “Did you say something, young sir?”   Matthew shook his head. “I was just talking to Red.”   Nigel watched Matthew lovingly stroke his father’s horse, speaking to her softly. “I’ll bet you wish you could be outside instead of cooped up here in this stall, doncha?” The horse whinnied at him. Matthew looked at Nigel. “Can I bale her some hay? I know how. Bo showed me.”   Nigel shook his head quickly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Having you bale hay will just add sweat and dirt to the all ready existing horse smell imbedded in your clothes which will give away where you’ve been.” Nigel looked at his watch quickly. “We should head back up to the house. The party will be winding down and your father and mother will be looking for you.”   Matthew nodded his head dejectedly. “Sorry Red. No hay. But I have one more apple for you.” He fed the horse the second apple before he finally climbed down off the bales of hay and walked back over to Nigel.” All right, Nigel. I guess we can go back up to the house.” Matthew took Nigel’s hand, letting him lead him out of the stables, staring back at Bo’s horse over his shoulder. “She is beautiful, Nigel.”   Nigel looked back quickly. “Yes, she is beautiful.”   Bo and Nora waited a few more minutes before moving away from each other. Bo buttoned up his shirt, the moment with Nora lost, leaving the tie undone around his neck. Nora was smoothing her dress after Bo helped her zip it back up. Nora spoke first. “Are you okay?”   Bo nodded, pushing open the stall door and going to stand where his son had just been standing. His horse recognized him right away and greeted him as she had done Matthew. Bo stroked her nose. “Why did you hold me back? Why didn’t you want me to talk to him, explain things to him instead of Nigel?”   Nora followed him out of the stall, standing a few feet behind him. “You heard him, Bo. He wanted Nigel’s opinion. He needs to figure out the Buchanan family on his own. Do you really think he would have spoken so openly if he knew you and I were here? He obviously wanted an outsider’s opinion.”   Bo had his back to Nora. “He sounded so confused. You should have let me talk to him.”   Nora took a step towards Bo and then stopped. “He’ll come to you, but in his own time and his own way.”   Bo still wouldn’t look at her. “And what if he doesn’t?”   Nora smiled to Bo’s back. “He will. Being born a Buchanan would have been challenging enough for him. But finding out he’s a Buchanan and suddenly being thrust into the Buchanan Family is a bit overwhelming for him. He just needs some time to absorb all of his thoughts, all of his feelings. He’s no different than his father in that regard.”   Bo glanced quickly over his shoulder at her, smiling ever so slightly. “I want to help him. I thought he was doing okay with being my son and now I find out he isn’t.”   Nora took a few steps towards Bo. “He is doing okay, with you and me. He just needs time to adjust to everything that comes with being your son. And you are helping him, by being in his life, by being his father, by being you.”   Bo shrugged. “He doesn’t even refer to me as his father.”   Nora felt so many regrets with Bo’s one statement. No matter how many times they tried to convince themselves they had beaten the past, it was moments like this that would creep up on them and bring it all right back. She whispered to him softly. “Just give him some time. Give yourself time. He’ll get there.”   Bo shrugged, turning back to his horse. He whispered to her and she nuzzled him gently.   Nora spoke, trying to bring back some of their earlier playfulness. “You named your horse Red?”   Bo squirmed with embarrassment. “It’s just a nickname.”   “Just a nickname?” she echoed him. “My nickname. I can’t say I like sharing it. And Gorgeous?” She paused, trying to get a rise out of him. When he didn’t respond, she went and stood behind him. She gently wrapped her arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck. “Bo?”   Bo covered her arms with his, leaning back into her. “It’s still your name. When we first split up, I missed you so much, there wasn’t a part of me that didn’t hurt, that didn’t ache, especially my heart. When I saw this horse, we connected. I knew I had to have her. Calling her Red kept you real for me, kept you close. I was able to channel all the love that I couldn’t show you into the care and love of this horse. She helped my heart start to heal. Does that make sense to you?”   She nodded against him, knowing she had been the cause of the hurt in his heart. She now wanted to be what filled his heart with love. “Yes. It does.”   Bo continued to lean back against her. “Well, my heart’s been healed, Red, by you. Now it seems this Red is helping to heal my son’s heart. I just want to help heal his heart, too.”   She was about to respond when the cell phone rang at Bo’s hip. He moved away from her gently, grabbing at the phone, answering with his familiar, “Buchanan.”   Nora kept her eyes on his and he listened for a few minutes. She could hear the voice faintly coming from his cell phone, but couldn’t make out whose voice it was. He nodded a few times and then responded, “I’m on my way.” He flipped the phone closed, looking at her. “Sorry. I’ve got to go.”   She spoke first. “What’s going on?”   Bo gave a slight shrug. “That was Antonio. There’s two men in my office, one FBI and one CIA, demanding to see me.”   She raised her eyes at him. “The CIA and FBI? And on Thanksgiving?”   Bo shrugged his shoulders again. “I guess it’s not a holiday for them.” She smiled at him and he continued. “I hope I won’t be too long, but it doesn’t sound good. Antonio says one of them has made himself right at home in my office.”   She nodded again. “It’s okay. I’ll get Matthew home. We’ll be fine.”   He pointed to the stall door where they had been just moments before. “I’m really sorry we didn’t get to finish what we started.”   She looked over to where he was pointing and then back at him. “It’s just not our time yet. We’ll know when its time.”   He looked at her thoughtfully, before leaning in and kissing her gently, taking her hand and leading her from the barn. They could just make out the figures of Matthew and Nigel a head of them. Their voices carried over the property and through the darkness.   “What is that smell?” asked Nigel, still smelling the remnants of the stable. He pulled on Matthew’s hand, stopping him.   Matthew looked down at his shoes. “It’s not me.” Matthew looked at Nigel’s shoes. “I don’t think you were as careful as I was.”   Nigel heaved an exasperated sigh, knowing he would have to clean his shoes, again. He tugged on Matthew’s hand and they continued up to the house.   To be continued…