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Crisis & Catharsis -- Part VII Bo tossed the ball over Matthew’s head, forcing him to chase it. They had been throwing passes to each other since arriving at the park. Bo had decided to let Matthew play first and work off some energy before broaching the topic of Matthew’s anger at him. Matthew was content to avoid the subject too. “Hey dad, throw me a bomb,” Matthew yelled as he took off running across the park. Bo tossed the football and winced when he felt something pop in his back.   Matthew caught the ball and jogged back toward Bo, who was slowly massaging his back. “Come on, dad. Can’t you throw it farther than that?”   Bo grinned at him. “Sure I can but I didn’t think you could run that far.”   Matthew tossed him the ball. “Okay, throw it far this time. Ready?”   Bo nodded and Matthew took off running. Bo heaved the ball as far as he could, let out a small cry and sunk to the grass. Matthew stopped dead in his tracks and turned to see his dad flat on his back. He hurried back to where Bo lay. “Dad! Are you okay?”   Bo’s eyes fluttered and he groaned, not attempting to get up. Matthew panicked. “Dad! What is it? Not you too!” His voice wavered and he burst into tears.   Bo sat up quickly, grabbing Matthew in his arms, ignoring the shooting pain in his back. “I’m fine, buddy! It’s just a knot in my back. I’m okay.” Bo rocked Matthew back and forth, rubbing his son’s back and saying over and over again “I’m okay,” until he felt Matthew relax.   Bo slowly released his grip and Matthew sat back between Bo’s legs. “I’m sorry, Matthew. I didn’t mean to scare you.”   Matthew looked at him cautiously as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Bo nodded. “What happened?”   Bo tried to make light of it. “Your old dad’s not as young as he used to be.”   Tears welled in Matthew’s eyes again. “Don’t joke about this, dad!”   Bo was immediately contrite, pulling Matthew back into his arms. “I’m sorry, son. You’re right. After what you’ve been through, that was a terrible joke. I’m fine. It’s just a twitch in my back. No harm done, I promise.”   Matthew pulled back and looked Bo directly in the eye. “Mom keeps saying she’s fine too, but she keeps getting dizzy.”   Bo nodded, meeting Matthew’s gaze. “You’re pretty scared for your mom, aren’t you?”   Matthew’s lip quivered as he tried to hold back the tears, slowly nodding and looking away. Bo put his hand under Matthew’s chin. “Look at me, Matthew. You’re pretty mad at me too, aren’t you?”   “I don’t want to talk about it.” Matthew said, grabbing the football and jumping up. “Toss me another one.”   No doubt this is my son – and Nora’s, Bo thought. “I think we should discuss it, Matthew. It’s okay for you to be angry at me. If you want to yell at me, you can. I’m a big boy, I can take it.”   Matthew smiled sheepishly. “Someone told me that yesterday.”   Bo nodded. “A very wise person told me I should listen to you and let you yell if that’s what you want to do.”   “Rachel,” they said in unison.   Bo smiled. “Your sister gives good advice, Matthew. We should take it.”   “It’s kinda hard to yell at your dad. Mom says you should respect grownups.”   “That’s true. So why don’t we just talk instead? You can tell me whatever’s on your mind and I promise to listen.”   Matthew hesitated. “I don’t know where to start.”   Bo patted the ground beside him. “Why don’t you sit and tell me when your mom started getting dizzy.”   Matthew dropped down on the grass beside Bo. “It was after Mr. Colson went away. Mom and I packed up his stuff and gave it away. I could tell she was upset, but she said she was fine. She cried a lot before I went to camp. She was sad that Mr. Colson had lied to her and she was mad at you. I saw what you did on the news, so I knew you were mad at her too.”   Matthew stopped and Bo prodded him. “What made you think I was mad at her too?”   “I saw how mean you were to her. You told everyone what Mr. Colson had done in front of the whole town. All my classmates talked about it. They kept saying how my dad must really hate my mom to hurt her like that in front of everyone. They laughed a lot.”   “I’m sorry you went through that. It wasn’t my intention to hurt your mom, Matthew.”   Matthew glared at him. “But you did! Did you even say you were sorry?”   Bo nodded. “I tried. But maybe not hard enough.”   Matthew looked away. “Yeah, not hard enough.”   Bo tried to jump back to the topic at hand. “So when did you notice your mom getting dizzy?”   Matthew looked at him warily. “When I came back from camp, she was helping me with my gear and she got dizzy when we were in the park. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was okay.”   “Did she say it had happened before?” Bo prodded gently.   Matthew shook his head. “She just said I shouldn’t worry about it. At first I didn’t think it was a big deal, but then it kept happening. After my soccer practice or dinner at Carlotta’s. She promised to see a doctor but they didn’t know why it was happening. I started to get really scared.”   “Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” Matthew looked away. “Did your mother ask you not to tell me?” Bo asked.   Matthew shook his head forcefully. “She didn’t have to. I knew you didn’t care about what was happening to her.”   Bo was shocked by Matthew’s statement. He had assumed that Nora asked Matthew not to tell him about the dizzy spells. He tried to speak calmly. “Why would you assume that, Matthew?”   “Because every time you came to pick me up, you never asked mom how she was doing. And you never asked me about her either.” Matthew’s voice was rising as he continued. “You didn’t want to talk about mom. You only cared about Paige and making sure I liked her more than Mr. Colson.”   Bo shook his head. “There was never a contest between Daniel and Paige to try to win you over. Yes, I wanted you to like Paige but…”   “Because you wanted her to be my new mom," Matthew interrupted, shaking his head. "I don’t want that!”   “No, Matthew. It was never about wanting you to accept Paige as a substitute for Nora. She’s your mom. Paige and I are both aware of that.”   Matthew crossed his arms in defiance. “Then how come Paige is always talking about us as her family? You’re not married and I’m not her son. She talks all the time about how she wants kids and how she never had them but now she has a chance with you…”   Bo was beginning to see into the mind of his young son. “And you interpret that as Paige and me taking you away from your mom?”   Matthew shrugged. “If mom is sick, I’d have to go live somewhere.” His eyes filled with tears again. “But I don’t want to live with you and leave mom all alone.”   Bo pulled Matthew back into his arms. “No one is going to take you away from your mom, Matthew. That was never the plan, I promise you. I had no idea your mother was sick and that spending time with Paige made you feel like she was taking Nora’s place. That’s not going to happen.”   “Paige is mom’s doctor and she’s not making her better.”   Bo leaned back. “And you think she’s not making your mom better so she can be your mom?”   Matthew shrugged. “She’s supposed to help people but she’s not helping mom. She talks all the time about her patients getting better but mom’s not getting better.”   Bo shook his head. “Doctor’s can’t fix everyone, Matthew. And sometimes you need a different doctor if one isn’t helping.”   “Well, Paige isn’t helping mom. She just keeps baking her cookies and telling her she’ll be fine. But mom’s getting worse.”   “Then we will find mom another doctor who will make her better.” Matthew looked away, not believing Bo. “Hey, look at me. Now that I know that mom has a problem, I’m going to do everything I can to see that she finds someone who can help her.”   Matthew’s eyes welled with tears as he shook his head. “What is it?” Bo asked. Matthew remained silent. “Say it, Matthew. We’ve got to talk to each other. I need to know what you’re thinking.”   Matthew looked up at him with tears brimming in his eyes. “I don’t believe you,” he whispered.   Bo felt like he’d been punched. In those four whispered words, he understood the full extent of the damage his actions had done to his son. He felt the tears welling in his own eyes, but he nodded slowly at his son. “Okay, Matthew. That’s honest. And it gives us a place to start. Now it’s up to me to show you that I mean what I say. I’m going to help your mom in any way I can and I’m going to be here for you every step of the way. That’s a promise. And though you may be new to the Buchanan fold, you should know that a Buchanan keeps his word. But I’m not just going to tell you, I’m going to show you.”   Matthew continued to look at him doubtfully. “You’ve said that before. When you told me you were my father you said you would always be there for me. I don’t think that means what you think it does.”   Bo nodded slowly, still trying to recover from the shock of finding out his son doesn’t believe in him. “Fair enough. Then let’s try this, I want you to tell me what’s on your mind. Anything. About your mom, school, friends, whatever. I need to know what you’re thinking so I can be sure that your needs are being met.”   “Even about Paige?”   Bo nodded. “Everyone and everything.”   As Matthew was about to respond, Dr. McBain jogged up. Matthew saw him before Bo did. He hurriedly wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “Hi, Dr. McBain.”   Bo turned around as Michael stopped beside them. “Hi guys. Bo do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about our earlier discussion.”   Bo glanced at Matthew before addressing Michael. “This isn’t a good time.”   Michael saw the tears on Matthew’s cheeks and knew he had interrupted something important. “Oh, sure. I’m sorry, Commissioner. I didn’t mean to bother you but I really need to talk to you. Will you call me as soon as you can?”   Bo nodded. “As soon as I can.”   “Thanks.” Michael jogged off.   Bo turned his attention back to Matthew. “Anything else you want to tell me?”   Matthew looked at him sheepishly. “I’m kinda hungry.”   Bo chuckled. “You are your mother’s son. Want to head to the diner?”   Matthew nodded. “Can we get ice cream too?”   “Sure, after we eat, of course.”   Matthew looked at him cautiously. “Can we bring some flan back for mom? It’s her favorite.”   Bo smiled at his son. “I think she’d like that. Your mom does have a sweet tooth. Come on, help your old dad up and we’ll head to the diner.”   Bo held out his hand and Matthew took it, heaving mightily to pull Bo to a standing position. Bo grimaced as the pain in his back made itself known again. “Maybe Carlotta can get me some ice, too,” Bo said with a smirk.   Matthew jogged ahead, turning and laughing as Bo followed, gingerly making his way across the park. They got their order to go and headed back to Nora’s house. When they got to the porch, Bo turned to Matthew. “Can we sit for a minute before we go in?”   Matthew nodded and moved to the lounge at the edge of the porch. He sat down and looked expectantly at Bo. “What dad?”   Bo knelt in front of Matthew, setting their carryout bags beside him. “Matthew, I want to say that I heard what you said to me this afternoon. And I heard what you didn’t say. I know that today didn’t change anything, but we made a start. And tomorrow we’ll take another step and the day after that and the day after that. You are my son. Nothing and no one means more to me. Not even Paige. If you would rather we spend our time together one on one…” Matthew nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do. For as long as it takes. I appreciate your honesty and I’m hoping you will continue that. Don’t think it will hurt my feelings if you tell me the truth. Lying hurts a lot more. Remember that, okay?”   Matthew looked down. “I’ll try. Thanks, dad.”   Bo smiled at him ruefully. “Don’t thank me, it’s what dads do. And it’s what I should have been doing all along. We got off track but it’s not to late to fix it as long as you want to try.”   Matthew nodded. “I do.”   Bo let out a breath. “Me too.” He pulled Matthew into his arms and was pleased when Matthew returned the hug. “Now let’s get this food into your mother and Rachel.”   Matthew grabbed one of the bags. “Yeah, Rachel is probably starving by now. There’s never any food in our house except Paige’s cookies.”   Bo laughed and held open the door as Matthew marched in ahead of him.   “Mom!” Matthew shouted. “We’re home!”   “Matthew, please don’t yell in the house,” Nora scolded as she walked out of the kitchen.   Matthew grinned contritely, holding up the takeout bag. “Sorry, mom. We brought food.”   Nora smiled at him. “I can see that.” She turned to Bo. “Thanks.”   Bo nodded slowly, handing her the takeout bag he was holding. “You’re welcome.” He looked at Matthew. “Listen buddy, I gotta run. I’ll catch you later.”   “You’re welcome to join us,” Nora offered.   “Yeah, dad. You can stay and eat with us,” Matthew chimed in.   “I’d like that but I have to meet someone.”   “Paige?” Matthew asked disgustedly.   Bo shook his head. “No, not Paige. I need to speak to Michael.”   Matthew nodded. “Oh, that’s right. See ya later, dad.” Matthew grabbed the food from Nora and ran into the kitchen. “Rachel! We brought food!”   Nora shook her head as she turned to Bo. “The yelling in the house is a hard habit to break.”   Bo nodded. “I know. He’s a boy. How are you feeling, Nora?”   “I’m fine. You’re meeting with Michael? What’s that about?”   Bo shrugged. “Just a case.”   Nora shook her head. “You're on leave from the department so it’s not a case. Michael was here this morning asking strange questions, now you’re meeting with him?”   “I can’t talk about it, Nora. I’m glad you’re feeling better. Call me if you need anything.”   Bo started toward the door. Nora followed him. “Bo, before you go. How did it go with Matthew?”   Bo opened the door and turned back to face Nora. “We have a long way to go but we took the first step. I’m not going to walk away, so we’ll keep working on it. And I want to fix things with you too, Nora. We will talk soon, I promise.”   Nora nodded as Bo turned and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.   TBC