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The Education of Matthew Buchanan - Chapter 5   Nora had tried to stand when Matthew had, but her legs had fallen asleep from kneeling back on them for so long. By the time she had gotten to her feet, Matthew was gone. She moved as quickly as her stiff legs would allow her, running out the bedroom door, calling to her son. She almost ran Nigel down.   “Sorry Nigel,” Nora said, pulling herself up short to avoid knocking into the faithful butler.   Nigel had seen her first and had stopped immediately before he too almost banged into her. “It’s all right Ms. Hanen.”   Nora looked past him down the empty corridor. She met his eyes again. “Did you see Matthew just now?”   “I thought he was in his room. One of the staff reported a disturbance coming from Master Matthew’s bedroom and I came to check it out.” Nigel peeked into the room, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. “Was there a fight?”   “A disagreement,” she hedged.   “Is there anything I can do to help?”   “If you see him in your travels through the halls, let me know. I’m going to go check the game room.”   “Very good, Ms. Hanen,” he said. “Shall I have someone tidy up this mess?”   “No. He did it, he can clean it. Maybe cleaning his room will help dispel some of that,” she hesitated before adding, “spring fever he’s feeling.”   Nigel glanced into the room again. “This destruction looks more like rage than spring fever. This can’t be a reaction over one failing grade?”   “How did you…?”   Nigel grimaced. “Please don’t ask me to betray Master Matthew’s confidences.”   “No,” she smiled. “I wouldn’t do that.”   He returned her smile gratefully. “Thank you. Then might I help him clean this mess?”   “Sure,” she agreed. “I know you’ll just do it anyway. Just make sure its ‘help’ and not you doing all the work.”   “Agreed,” he smiled. Then he turned and headed to the utility closest at the end of the hall. Nora thought about her son’s relationship with the loyal butler. Nigel had become the “ASA” in Matthew’s life since his grandfather had died. She bit her lip and called him back.   “Nigel, wait.” He stopped and looked back at her. She walked towards him. “Maybe you can help me. When Bo and I were in the library,” she hesitated, “having our discussion,” she hesitated again, waiting for some contradictions from the silent butler. But none came. He stood quietly, waiting for her to continue so she did. “Matthew came in and heard Bo and me,” she hesitated a third time, embarrassment beginning to flush her cheeks, “well, he heard us say some really horrible things to one another.”   Nigel maintained his silence. She wished he’d say something or interject or scold her or criticize her and Bo’s behavior. But as she wished it, she knew he would not judge. She stammered on. “He’s angry and has lot of confusion about our past that an hour ago, I would have tried to sort out….” Her voice trailed off.   “I understand,” Nigel said softly. “Might I suggest looking for him at this father’s instead of the game room? I think he’ll be looking to sort out his confusions there.”   “I don’t think so, Nigel. He’s really angry at both of us and far away from us is where he’ll want to be.”   “Sometimes the one you’re the angriest with is the one you want answers from.”   She shook her head. “Not this time. Bo’s the last person he wants to speak to.”   “If you say so.”   “Will you alert the staff to be on the watch for him and let me know if anyone sees him? I’m going to search the rest of the house.”   “Very good, Ms. Hanen” She smiled her thanks and he watched her head to the back stairs, leaving him to stare into what was left of Matthew’s room. What caught his eye were the remnants of the tattered picture of the young boy with his father. It lay among the shattered glass and broken frame of its former home. Nigel reached down and picked it up gingerly. Master Matthew had more than just confusions. He had unspeakable anger and heartache. Nigel shook his head slightly, wondering when Mr. Buchanan and Ms. Hanen were going to realize they could stop the roller coaster of emotions for themselves and their son if they would just admit how much they still loved each other.   Nora did a quick search of Matthew’s favorite rooms; computer room, game room, gym, even the kitchen where he liked to mingle with the staff who fawned over the young Buchanan heir. Most of Asa’s house staff had been with him for years and on more than one occasion she was told by one of them how much Matthew reminded them of Bo at that age. Matthew would revel in their attentions. But now, after the conversation she had just had with her son, she knew he would avoid the kitchen and the staff, hoping to avoid the father/son comparisons at this point. What her young son failed to realize is just how much like his father he really was. They both ran from their emotions and their pain.   She turned away from the kitchen and made her way through the downstairs, even poking her head into Asa’s office, then the library and finally the dining room.   When her search of the house failed to turned up any signs of her son, she trudged down to the stables. As much as it was Matthew’s favorite part of Asa’s estate, it was her least favorite. Huge beasts of burden that towered over her were not her idea of fun. But her son had always found solace there, especially since Asa had died and wondered why she hadn’t checked there first.   She wandered through the stable area, poking her head into empty stalls, giving the ones occupied a wide berth. She called for Matthew several times but didn’t really expect an answer. Through the stable and into the barn she went but found no signs of her son. She asked each staff member she passed if any of them had seen Matthew, all responding the same; no.   She finally accepted the fact that Matthew had left the house and the grounds and worked her way back to the main house to begin calling his various friends to try and track him down.   When Bo had left Nora’s, he was angrier than he had been in a really long time. She always brought this side of him out; his anger, his frustration, the feelings for her he couldn’t always control. He caught himself and stopped. What feelings? He didn’t have any feelings for her. She had killed them all. Or had she, came a small voice from deep with him. He ignored the voice. No. There were no lasting feelings. He had tried to make a platonic relationship with her work for the sake of their son. But she had killed that tonight by threatening to take his son away from him.   He came to a stop sign and let himself sit there, the car idling. He had to stop focusing on Nora and focus on Matthew. He and Nora had to put their differences aside and be ready to stand together and answer Matthew’s questions about what he had heard; about the past. He needed to go back. He couldn’t let Nora handle this on her own. As much as he would like to deny it, he was partly to blame for what happened all those years ago and for where he and Nora were today. He had to emphasize to Matthew that Nora and he were friends and jointly working together to love and raise Matthew. It didn’t matter who they were dating or eventually married, Matthew would always be their number priority, HIS number one priority. Bo had to make his son understand that he was loved for himself, not for the memory of a brother he had never known. He and Nora could make their son understand and believe that he was wanted and loved if they stood together as a team. Running away from his son and Nora was not the right move.   A blast from a car horn brought him back to the present and he lifted his hand up to acknowledge the prompt from the driver behind him and moved to make a u-turn to head back to Nora’s. He let himself in, heading straight up to Matthew’s room. He found Nigel instead, broom and dust pan in hand.   “Good evening Mister Buchanan.”   Nigel dumped the remnants of debris into a hip high trash barrel situated just outside the bedroom door, the sounds of glass rattling with the other broken memories all ready deposited moments before.   “Nigel,” Bo greeted, glancing around the room. “What happened here?”   Nigel glanced around the bare walls, the stripped bed, and the empty desk top. “Apparently, your son had a disagreement with the things in his room.” He rested the broom against the wall as he picked up the fallen shelves and leaned them against the side of the desk. “The room lost.”   Bo glanced at the pieces of broken models and the crack in the drywall on the far wall. He saw the telescope toppled lying across the chess board, the chess pieces scattered haphazardly across the floor. “Matthew did all this?”   Nigel nodded. Bo stooped down and picked up the fuselage of a model airplane. ‘Buchanan 3’ had been painted on the side, noting his son’s birth rank on Bo’s side of the Buchanan line. A birth rank Matthew now felt he was born into by default, not by love.   “Would you like me to dispose of that, sir?” Nigel asked, nodding towards the broken piece of model in Bo’s hand.   Bo looked up at him, shaking his head. “No thanks.” He glanced around the room again. “Is Matthew around?”   “I don’t think so, sir. Ms. Hanen asked me the same thing and no one on the staff has seen him since he arrived home from school.”   Again, Bo glanced at the shattered piece of plane model, before slipping it into his jacket pocket. “I think I’ll hold onto this.”   Bo took one last look at his son’s room and headed back downstairs. He poked his head into the library and the den before finding Nora on her cell phone in the living room. She glanced at him absently and he waved slightly at her, pointing out of the room, silently asking her if she wanted him to leave. She shook her head no, waving him in as she finished up her call. She flipped her cell closed, letting out a sigh.   “Hey.”   “Hey,” she replied softly.   “I didn’t come back here to fight with you,” he said, his tone almost apologetic.   “I don’t want to fight with you either.”   “Where’s Matthew?” Bo asked cautiously. “I thought maybe the three of us could sit and talk.”   “No idea,” she said. “And even if I did know, I can tell you right now, he doesn’t want to speak to either of us.”   “He told you that?”   “Yep. Just before he took off for parts unknown.”   “I just came from his room. Did he really do all that?”   She nodded, grimacing as she recalled their recent conversation. “He’s inconsolable.”   “He can’t really believe he was a replacement for Drew. He has to know how much I love him.”   “It’s not about that.”   “Then what? Us divorcing? After all this time, us splitting up all those years ago and now me wanting to marry Lindsay would make him so angry he would destroy the contents of his room.”   Nora looked at him surprised. “Is that what you think got to him?”   Bo looked at her confused. “Its not?”   Nora shook her head. “We need to talk but I want to find Matthew first.”   “What is it Nora? What did he say?”   “Bo, he heard everything.” When she saw Bo didn’t get it what she wasn’t saying, she said the words almost in a whisper. “About how you reacted when Drew died.”   She saw the confusion in his eyes turn to recognition, then regret before he shut them for a second. He opened them and she saw the pain. “What exactly did he say?”   She just shook her head. “He’s overwhelmed.”   “What did he say, Nora?” he asked again.   “You were right,” she said, ignoring his probing. “He didn’t need to know about the past. I put my needs and issues ahead of my son’s needs.” She looked up at the man she had always loved; afraid to tell him what she knew might push him over the edge once again. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”   “Me either,” Bo said quietly. “But I have to know what he said.”   She shook her head, refusing to hurt him again. “It’s not about what he said. He’s drawn some hard conclusions about what he heard.”   “I need to find him,” Bo said softly, understanding instinctively she was trying to protect him by not saying out loud to him what he never could say out loud to himself. He had wanted to die when he lost Drew. It was a demon he lived with every day of his life. Now his youngest son knew his greatest sin, and she couldn’t protect him from what would always be his greatest regret; the beginning of the end of his life, Nora’s life and Matthew’s life.   He heaved a short sigh. “No ideas on where he might be?”   She held her cell phone up. “I called every friend he has and not one of them has seen him. Or not saying they’ve seen him. I just hung up with Rex. He’s heading out now to look for him. I’m going to do the same, check the normal spots; Carlotta’s, Rodi’s, Hallowed Grounds, community center…”   “Want some company?” he asked hesitantly.   She wanted him with her desperately but shook her head. “I think we can cover more ground separately.”   He gave a slight nod. “You’re right.” He took a few steps towards the door, before turning back to her.”   “About before.” He stammered before continuing. “I’m sorry; for everything.”   “Me too,” she nodded.   He held up his phone. “Keep in touch.”   She gave a slight nod and he turned and left the room. She wiped the tear from the corner of her eye and then followed him out the door.   To be continued…