As Time Flies.....Chapter 24
Last time: Nora was relieved to know she hadn't killed Lindsay. Bo, Nora, and even Larry enjoyed a moment of levity at Lindsay's expense. Bo asked Nora if they could raise Matthew together and be a family. Nora turned him down.
Llanview Hospital - Room #416
Bo felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. No? Had Nora really said no?
"Red? What are you saying? That you don't want to raise Matthew together? I don't get it." Bo could barely get the words out.
His brain didn't seem to be processing correctly. Based upon his last conversation with Nora on the train, he'd been under the impression that she still had feelings for him. As he thought back to that horrible night, he felt like kicking himself. Christ, he'd been so stupid then! So rigid and unforgiving, too adamant to tell her the truth. Had she believed him? Could she have gotten over him and moved on? He held his breath in anticipation.
Nora patted Bo's hand. She could see the hurt in his eyes and she didn't want to hurt him any worse, but she meant what she had said, no more lies. She took a deep breath.
"Let me explain, Bo. I did a lot of thinking while I was holed up at Colin's. I spent endless hours thinking of my life and all the things I had done wrong. I hurt a lot of people, most of all, my son. I don't care who his father is, he's still my son, and I want him to have a happy life. I owe him at least that much and I think a fresh start is the best way to give him that. I appreciate your offer, but I have to respectfully decline. I don't think it would be the best thing for Matthew."
Nora looked down at the blanket. She watched her hand resting in Bo's, and she had to summon all of her strength and determination not to cry. It was all she could do to force herself not to break down. It sounded foreign even to her own ears. She loved this man more than life itself, and it was breaking her heart not to accept his offer. But she loved him too much to expect him to settle. She wanted him to be happy, and he didn't love her, so what was the point?
Bo was crushed. "Red, how can you say that? How can it not be best for Matthew to be with his parents? A child needs his parents." Bo was practically pleading.
Nora sighed. "Yes, Bo, a child does need his parents. But children today are quite accustomed to having loving parents who don't necessarily live in the same house. I want Matthew to see and know love, real love. We don't have to live together to do that, Bo."
Bo was confused. What was she talking about? No one loved like they did. Why was she being so stubborn? "Red, I don't get it. I really don't get it. Why on earth wouldn't you want Matthew to grow up with two loving parents under one roof?"
"Because I don't want to lie to him, Bo, that's why. Yes, we love him, but we don't love each other. I want him to see what real love is like, and I want to prepare him for the love he'll hopefully know later in his life. I want him to be able to have healthy relationships, not see what two people can do to each other when they're not in love. Strong and happy parents living on their own is a much healthier example to set, and I just don't think it's fair to teach him otherwise. How can you?"
Nora wrenched her hand out of Bo's and looked pleadingly at him. She wished he'd just stop this already. Couldn't he see how much he was hurting her?
Nora's words hit Bo like a sledgehammer. He couldn't breathe. Oh my God, she thought he didn't love her! She had believed him on the train, and now that she thought he might be Matthew's father, she thought he was just trying to do the honorable thing. His own words played in his head, and again he wanted to kick himself. He had done it all wrong! He had been like a locomotive out of control, and he was still doing it. He hadn't said one word about loving Nora, or all the things he'd realized about his relationship with her when he'd thought she was dead. All he'd done was talk about Matthew. Christ, he was a schmuck!
Bo grabbed Nora's hand. He looked deeply into her eyes. With his other hand, he caressed her face. She looked puzzled, and she tried to push his hand away.
"Will you just cut it out, Bo? You really don't know what you're doing and I want you to stop!" Nora's voice sounded shrill to her own ears. She wanted to cry.
"Nora, honey, just be quiet for a minute, okay? I know it's not your strong suit, but I have something to say to you." Bo laughed.
Nora rolled her eyes. In her opinion, now was not the time for jokes. She knew he was gonna make one last ditch effort to get her to change her mind, and she was gonna have to turn him down. Couldn't he see how this was killing her? Her mouth formed into a tight line and she reluctantly motioned that he had the floor. This was harder than she'd thought.
"Red, I just have one thing to say, and that's that I love you. I always have, and I always will. I should have said this before, and I'm sorry. I..."
Nora waved her arm and cut him off. "Bo, it won't work. Nice try, but I'm not going to change my mind. Please just leave it at that, okay?" She sighed resignedly, determined that she wouldn't cry.
Bo jumped up from his chair. "No, I won't leave it at that! I've waited far too long to say what I want to say, and you said you'd listen, so just stop talking, will you? You're not the only one who's had a lot of time to think, Nora. I've done nothing but think since I thought I lost you on the train. And now that I know what it feels like to lose you, I'm not gonna let another minute go by without telling you how I really feel. Thanks to some miracle I'm getting a second chance, and I'm not gonna let anything, not even you, let it slip away!"
Bo continued without taking a breath. "I love you, Nora! I've always loved you, but I was too stupid and stubborn to say it. Even now I acted like an ass when presented with the perfect opportunity. Will you let me do the explaining this time?" Bo looked pleadingly at Nora. Nora nodded, but she didn't speak. She was afraid to even breathe.
Bo took a deep breath and gazed into Nora's eyes. "Okay, let me go back to the beginning, the very beginning. After I found out you'd slept with Sam, I was devastated. I felt like my heart had been ripped out! I had never known pain so deep and I didn't think I'd ever get over it. Even Sarah's death couldn't compare. I couldn't let myself get past it, even when I considered the motive. I know you thought you were doing it for me, but I couldn't see it that way, not for a long time. I was jealous, and I thought you wanted to be with Sam."
"Once I finally came to terms with that, it was too late. You and Sam had a baby, and you seemed to be making a life together. I was still in love with you, but since you seemed so happy with Sam, I let myself focus on Lindsay. Looking back, I can't explain the attraction, except maybe that she was the complete opposite of you, and it felt good to be needed for a change. If I'd only known how sick she was! I had no idea the lengths she'd go to just to hurt you. I'd like to kill her myself when I think of what she did to you!"
Bo hung his head. "Red, can you ever forgive me? Can you forgive me for allowing Lindsay to ruin everything for us? Can you forgive me for not fighting for us harder? What you did hurt me very much, but it shouldn't have been enough to break us apart. I shouldn't have let it!"
"Can you forgive me for just walking away without a fight? Can you forgive me for not forgiving you? I should have given you what you wanted on the train, Red. I should have said I forgave you, but I couldn't, and you know why? Because I still loved you, and I knew if I forgave you, you'd go off to make a life with Sam. I didn't want that, and I still don't."
"Whether or not Matthew is my son, I want to make a life with you. I want our life back, the one we had. I'm completely in love with you, Nora. Please believe me. I always have been, and I always will be. I don't know if it can ever be the same, but I know I want to try, more than anything in the world!"
Bo was surprised to realize that he hadn't taken a breath the entire time. He exhaled in one big whoosh and sank into the chair. He took Nora's hand in his own and the emotion of the moment overcame him. Tears formed in his eyes.
Nora was incredulous. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Bo still loved her? Could it be true? She had waited two years to hear those words, but now she wasn't sure she believed them. Was this just because of Matthew?
Nora looked into Bo's eyes and she could see tears there. She remembered seeing tears in his eyes when he and Ben had saved her from Lindsay and Colin. She also remembered how she had seen him crying when she had awoken from Lindsay's second murder attempt. Then she remembered how he had said to Sam that he had things he wanted to say to her, for far longer than Sam had been waiting.
Nora gazed into Bo's eyes and felt like she could see into his soul. She knew he was telling the truth. He loved her! With the realization came her tears, and she was overcome by wrenching sobs. She reached for Bo and he took her in his arms. They held each other and cried for several minutes, each of them silently vowing that nothing would ever come between them again.
Nora sniffed. She was afraid to break the moment. She'd missed his embrace and his touch more than words could say.
"Bo? Do you really mean it? I've waited so long to hear those words. I never stopped loving you, even when I tried!" Nora smiled through her tears. "I'm so sorry I ever hurt you, Bo. It was all my fault! If it weren't for my stupidity, none of this would have ever happened. You say you love me, but can you forgive me, Bo? Can you really?" Nora's eyes filled with tears again.
Bo held her and stroked her back. "I already have, Red. But I need to know that you forgive me, too." Bo kissed her ear.
Nora giggled. "No problem there. I forgave you a long time ago, Bo." She kissed his neck and buried her face in it. Bo felt her body shake with relief. He felt the same way. He would never lose her again.
Bo smiled and continued stroking her hair. "Let's make a fresh start, okay, Red? Right here, right now. The past is the past and we can't change it, but the present and future belong to us. No more regrets. We've lost too much time already. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Matthew, even if Matthew turns out to be Sam's son. At the very least he'll be my stepson, right? I think we should get married again just as soon as you can walk down the aisle. Whaddya think about that? Wanna be Mrs. Buchanan again?" Bo grinned.
"You know what, Commish? I'm already Mrs. Buchanan since I never changed my name. But if that's the best proposal I'm gonna get, my answer is yes!" Nora laughed, and then they both started crying again.
They held each other for what seemed like hours. Nora fell asleep first, and Bo curled around her on top of the bed. He put his head next to hers on the pillow, and he fell asleep too. Their arms were intertwined and they were both smiling.
To Be Continued...
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